Friday, June 10, 2011

Show me

When I met you, I was afraid to know you,
When I knew you, I was afraid to care for you,
When I cared for you, I was afraid to love you,
When I loved you, I was afraid to lose you.

These are the stages girls who've been hurt go through.
These are what I go through every single time.
Don't think just because I don't show emotions, I don't have them.
I am too afraid, even too afraid to show emotions.
This year I've been through this position way too many times.
And I've hurt a lot of people in the process.
I'm sorry if you'd ever thought I would get over my fear for any of you.
Cause I think I know myself well enough that I won't. Well, not yet.

Why do I bail out of something that is getting serious?
10% I'm bored of you.
10% I'm just bored.
80% I've got to know you and realize what a nice person you are and I won't let myself hurt you.

Yes, us girls like to say that who are you to decide for me,
When a guy says, I couldn't make you happy that's why I let you go.
We felt like we should decide for OUR own good, we would know better.
Cause most of the time when the guy leaves, we thought we could've done better.
It's just that we weren't given a fair chance.

How do I bail out of hurting someone?
10% Talk it out.
90% Disappear.

Yes, you might say, well in the end he got hurt too. There's no difference.
Well, I would say there is, maybe not much, but there is.
And it would be better if I'd actually explained myself and talked it out.
But I'm just too afraid to show myself most of the time.
I just bail when I realize how much in love he is going to be with me,
And I know that I can't love him as much as he loves me.
I know that I can't make him happy as someone else he might find.
I know that he definitely deserves somebody much better than I am.
I run.

This is now and apology message that I wan't to get over with and move on.
I am truly sorry if I've hurt you in any way.
I haven't learned to be brave enough to tell you why I left.
And the fact why is such a cliche that you would hate me even more.
Yes, even more than just leaving. Not considerate of your feelings.
I know sorry can't change anything at all.
It can't mend you broken heart.
It can't save you from the misery you have felt.
It can't stop the ache that you're covering up.
I just wanted to let you know.

That I cared.
In my own very way.

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