Just run away from these lies

I swear this is all painful and hurtful for anybody. Anybody.

And everytime somebody says, "Honestly, if he loves you, he'll be with you right now."

I just don't want to believe so, I'm sure he has his reasons and I screwed it up.

So question is, is it worth it that I'm beating myself up inside? Is it?

Or when people say, "If he doesn't want you then screw him, you've got better choices."

Yes, maybe I've got better choices but I choose him. I chose, him.

For once, I would like to stick to my decision for as long as my mind says yes.

I know I'm not a person in position to promise him anything, I'm a let down. 

That's why, I back him each time people say things like that, cause I would say it's my fault.

But, is it? Or am I just lying to myself again and again so it would seem better?

It's never about another girl, yes, I can be jealous, but that would never be the reason.

And now, the worst part is I don't know if he's even trying anymore, 

It hurts to know if I'm the only that's still fighting for this, I actually feel stupid.

Like a stupid hopeless romantic sucker for love idiot. I vowed never to be that person again.

Now, guess what? I think I've became my own nightmare.

"He is worth it." It keeps running through my head. Even in my sleep.

What have I become? 

Songs that make sense to me now:

1. Miserable at best - Mayday Parade

2. Tonight - FM Static

3. Bubblewrap - Mcfly

4. How much it hurts - Just Off Turner

5. Make up smeared eyes - Automatic Loveletter

6. Slow dancing in a burning room - John Mayer

I'm not even sure if he still cares to read all these anymore. He used to.

You don't know how much I want to;

hold your hand,

kiss you,

and hug you.

You don't know.