"I've always known it in the back of my head, but I'm only now understanding myself that I am addicted to the beginnings of relationships. In the past few months, following the end of a short but intense relationship, I've really enjoyed being a single lady. At the same time, I've also enjoyed dating. Dating multiple people. But the thing is, once I get to know them comfortably, once the relationship arrives at the point of sex (however long that takes), I'm not as interested. And I think it's because I'm addicted to getting to know people, not knowing them. I'm usually disappointed once I do. So instead of looking for that impossible long-term. yes, I'm allowing myself to have fun with the Maybes.
And I'm having fun. I'm just not sure how long it can last."
I've always thought that I was the only one, or at least no one else can put how my mind works better than I can until I found this letter unintentionally at an exhibition in Singapore Art Museum. She had put what I was always pondering about into the exact words as if I found a future me. Someone who has already deciphered how we work.
My reasoning before this was probably because I'm young and immature; and that is why I'm behaving this way when it comes to relationships. I love the beginning of a relationship, not for the chase, but it's getting to know a person.
"And I think it's because I'm addicted to getting know people..."
I'm curious about other people, getting to know them, their lives and their perspectives. I've always been curious about reading people, their body language. Sometimes, one person at a time is not enough. My mind is too active and too eager to get to know someone, study them, that I end up dating multiple people at once.
"I've also enjoyed dating. Dating multiple people."
To me, I don't know when I will lose interest in a relationship. It's not really the sex stage but I do agree to it's when I know the person well enough, when we're comfortable, when everything is a routine, that's when I lose interest. I like to live a spontaneous, dynamic and adventurous life. That excites me and I've yet to find someone like that, someone who constantly fond me.
It really takes a lot for me to fall in love and so far no one can do the same as he did. Even that ended, all because of this situation that I have that I can't seem to escape from. To conclude all these, I will try to live like her, allowing myself to explore and have fun with the maybes. Short, intense maybes.
And when he catches me off guard again, that's when I'll fall in love all over again.