Sunday, January 3, 2016

A Familiar Sight

Take my good word,
Turn in backwards.

I thought being an achiever would not be hard, or depressing. Though, being an achiever means that I'm always on the lower end. Judged for being not enough. Stressed over being not good enough. Or just a jumble of emotional baggage of the fear of being not up to expectations and being less than... I guess I have had it... easy? Not good, but easy. To love less, feel less, care less, give less, expect less.

The surprise that my ego, guard and confidence can be drained. The feeling of strip naked, bare it all. It is hard. It is new and it is hard. To love more than I can bare, yet it is not enough. That feeling of getting beaten down every time you try your best and to see him disappointed. It breaks my heart. It hurts and it is bad.

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