I know you are going through a lot now but I still think what you did to overcome it was very irrational and it hurt a lot of other innocent people. Yes, it is very difficult whatever you are going through, but you should know better to put other people in a position similar to that. It happened for a reason and for the better of everyone else and especially you. We should never hold on to something that makes us sad or horrible. If he has hurt you that much for you to have acted like that, this is the best solution. Now as you stand alone, do what you have always wanted to do, be you and be happy. I will always be here and will be happy for you no matter what your decision is if it is the best for you. Love you.