My instincts were right.
I guess a girl's instincts are always right huh?
It may be good at times, and some other times, just horrible.
It's horrible knowing what might just happen next, and you can't do much to it.
At least that was my case.
That I couldn't do much to save it.
Maybe cause one can't play this game, love.
It has to work both ways to make things work and happen.
My fear when you said, "Do you want me?" was,
What If I said yes, and then you walk away? What if.
What If you didn't want me? That was running through my mind.
"So far, yet, so close." -6 February 2010-
I guess this is one of my reasons for not falling in love. It just hurts either way to be in love or not, i'd pick to be in love but, sometimes, things don't work like how I want them to be. Making decisions are never a big part of my life because I don't get a chance to make them. It's either, I'll walk away from it first or I'll end up getting walk out on. That happens on a normal basis to me. I rarely, RARELY, get the chance to live with the decision I made.
"What hurts the most,
Was being so close,
And havin' so much to say,
And watchin' you walk away.
And never knowin',
What could've been,
And not seein' that lovin' you,
Is what I was tryin' to do."
That explains exactly what I feel right now. Not getting the chance to tell you what I really feel inside. Not allowed to have any feelings or eve having any emotions. I'm sorry but I'm human. I actually have feelings and emotions and that I actually really liked you. All these really hurts me. I don't hate you, that's for sure. I just hate the situation right now.
I hate how love can get me to make a fool out of myself.
I hate how love can turn my world upside down.
I hate how love can make me go crazy and freak out.
I hate how love can make me feel so miserable at times.
"Was it really love? Or just lust?
What happened to everything last night?
What is this happening between us?
It's gone, the star that shined so bright.
Lord, please wash away all my sins,
Clear my mind from the hope and doubt,
Thinking about the could have beens,
I should stop crying my heart out.
It hurts me that I had so much to say,
Maybe it would change what we are,
It hurts me watching you walk away,
We were so close, yet, so far.
I can't even breathe or try to sleep,
I'm still alive, merely surviving,
I'm falling for you so fast, so deep,
Something that I don't even believe in.
I pray that we'll be the same, like before,
I guess my love for you is a crime,
We both know, that it's you that I adore,
Cause my heart skips a beat everytime.
What hurts the most is being so close,
Knowing that you're neither a friend nor foe,
These words I write really shows,
That I still can't seem to let you go."
-Copyright Jojo Productions 2010
Written by: Jolene Lee-
"So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?"
I know you don't quite like the rain, the sound of it,
I like the rain cause no one will know when I cry.
I know that sappy romantic movies aren't your thing,
I like it cause it gives me a reason to cry without anyone knowing why.
"So close, yet, so far." - 3 October 2010-