I'm a wreck.
When it comes to love, everyone's an idiot. Well, I'm an idiot. We all end up falling head over heels, doing silly things, hurting ourselves, and if you're lucky, the other person gets hurt instead. When I said that the next guy that I'm going to be with will be darn lucky, I actually meant it.
That's not the word that you're looking for, it's more of that I have very low self esteem when it comes to love. When I get treated like dirt, I think it's okay, because I don't deserve any better considering what I've done. I deserve to be treated like this.
You may think for a person with such strong personality like me would wear the pants in a relationship, you're wrong, you're very wrong. I may be stubborn and egoistic at times, but I'm definitely down right, whipped. I start to be clingy, sensitive, emotional, jealous and other weird things that I don't normally do.
So, being in love for me flips my world upside down, inside out. That's why I fear it so much. I fear being that other person. Sometimes I will realize what I'm doing and I just laugh at myself for being so foolish. Bending over backwards just to see him smile or to please him.
As I was growing up, I was never taught how to express love, to hug or to kiss, no, I don't do that. I just thought that if you love someone dearly, they can feel you. Guess not. They just use you, step all over you, then the painful part comes,